“The dating pool is smaller and it can lead to frustration.” To that end, finding a relationship over 40 often involves technology—from swiping through potential matches on dating apps to communicating with possible partners via text or DM. And over-40 daters may not love that newer aspect of the game.

Remember that it’s about the two of you as individuals, not your age difference.

(“This is where you go when you want to get married,” my lovely, meddlesome stepmother told me as she signed me up.) Great, I could get married but even greater, I like quizzes. And while I love taking the quiz, it does seem a bit arbitrary. Do I support my partner’s different points of view?

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Then there is the other type of guy, who feels the need to build his empire/his kingdom first, and then to invite the queen onto the throne. And oftentimes these formerly-partnered-up men are struggling to recover emotionally from that past, and also financially. Ask MetaFilter is a question and answer site that covers nearly any question on earth, where members help each other solve problems.

The team combined all that data by using the PageRank algorithm, the same software that helps inform Google’s search results. It found that—insofar as dating “leagues” are not different tiers of hotness, but a single ascending hierarchy of desirability—then they do seem to exist in the data. But people do not seem universally locked into them—and they can occasionally find success escaping from theirs. The year-old women who ARE ready for marriage, unfortunately, are roundly ignored by the men they desire — their year-old peers.

“In many ways, dating becomes more efficient in your 30s because you know what to optimize for,” says Gray. Use this to your advantage by nipping any dead-end relationships in the bud. All that said, as stupid as I feel, I’m generally pretty functional. It’s like I can get things done, but almost in a haze? I feel like I have perpetual brain fog compared to my twenties.

Even if you can’t pay attention to your own work at all because this guy is on your mind, respect that he needs space to take care of his responsibilities, and use that time to take care of your own as well. Don’t play hard to get because then he’s going to assume you’re uninterested. Don’t chat about other men in an attempt to “make him jealous” because he’s going to assume that you’re into other guys. If you’re looking for the adrenaline rush of drama, a salt-and-peppery fox isn’t your guy. Drama is likely the last thing in the world he wants because he’s been there and done that.

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Most 40-year-old women don’t settle down with men in their early 20s. Part of making someone feel young involves physical contact, and lots of it. Don’t make the assumption that carnal pleasure is all that she’s after. That being said, certainly be ready for the possibility that what she finds most attractive about you are your sexual, not financial, assets. Each individual will have their own unique reasons for dating an older woman.

The other type of single man “out there” in his late 30s, 40s and 50s is the guy who NEVER married nor had kids. If I had a $20 bill for every time a matchmaking client hesitated to meet someone because the person hadn’t been married before, well … I’d be a wealthy woman indeed. I was 28 when I started dating my then 58 year old boyfriend three years ago. I am not totally sure that “I’m in my late late 20’s and I simply cannot imagine dating a 20 year old under ANY circumstances” is…normal, though. Late 20s and 20 may feel far apart but that will seem silly when at 30 and late 30s. Incidentally, it’s probably a lot healthier for her to not be living with your parents if she’s choosing to live her life this way.

“You could be caught in that awkward time of not feeling old, but not feeling as young as those in the dating scene, and find it easier to avoid dating.” The women in their 20s didn’t have a laundry list of romantic relationships. There were a few summer flings, her on and off again boyfriend from college, and a few Tinder hookups. But with time she’s built a few meaningful relationships. Once the mid-30s are reached, that decline begins to accelerate rapidly. Pregnancy in one’s late 30s can result in complications for both the mother and child.

For what it’s worth, when I started dating Mr. Ipsum I was 23 and he was 34. My parents were concerned about the age difference, but they didn’t really have a say in the matter, and he eventually won them over anyway. He admits now that he himself was a bit concerned about the age difference. But he soon found hyesingles.com out that I was, in his words “not some silly little girl” (as in, I didn’t act immature) and that we had a lot in common. In fact, during our first year together, he once made the comment that I was “23 going on 40” so I think these things are more of an issue of compatibility than chronological age.